Motivation, The Myth

We are taught from a young age that the "right" motivation will enable us to accomplish any goal. We teach this to our children by offering both positive and negative consequences and then are baffled when they make choices that lead to the opposite of what they wanted. Yet, we do the same thing ourselves.

How many times have you set a goal in a motivated moment only to find it nearly impossible to maintain the motivation long enough to achieve the goal? I know I'm guilty of this. I also see it in those around me every day.

What are we missing? What are we not teaching our children? Commitment. I propose that it is commitment and not motivation which enables us to achieve our goals. Think about it. When we are truly committed to something, it becomes a priority. When we make something a priority, we do all we can to arrange our lives around seeing that priority accomplished.

So, commit yourself to your goals; make your goals a priority. Then, you will see them come to fruition.

TOUGH LOVE

I just had a conversation with my daughter where I had to inform her that something she was excited about couldn't happen because of some poor choices she made less than 48 hours ago. She is disappointed and so am I. At the same time, I know that it is critical that she connect her actions today with the options available to her tomorrow. She is beginning to understand.

Most of us are familiar with the concept of Tough Love, particularly in parent/child relationships. The experience I just had with my daughter is one example of Tough Love. There are so many more examples. Tough Love is the father who turns in his son for criminal activity but remains beside him throughout the process. It's the mother who takes her son's car keys to encourage him to take more responsibility for his choices. It's the parents who work together to enforce negative consequences despite their own sadness and that of their child. Even our Heavenly Father uses Tough Love when He responds "No" to the righteous desire of His daughter to enable her to experience greater growth and joy in the future.

I, and many people I know personally, have become rather practiced in applying Tough Love in their relationships with their children. Though it never gets easy, we understand the importance of Tough Love and how not using Tough Love can lead to our children not being able to function effectively in the real world. Because we love them, we want them to be able to function well and succeed. 

But, can we apply this concept of Tough Love to ourselves? Can we do better at managing ourselves, our time, our talents and resources by using Tough Love on ourselves? I think we can.

Before we can exercise Tough Love with anyone, we must love that person. So, if we are going to practice Tough Love with ourselves, we must first Love ourselves. I know for many this can be challenging. 

When I think about loving myself, the first thing I feel is guilt. Where does this guilt come from? I believe it comes from the idea that loving oneself is akin to being conceited or even narcissistic. I propose, however, that in learning to love ourselves, truly love ourselves, our capacity and desire to love others increases. Focusing on this then, allows us to shed the guilt that is one of Satan's tools to bring us down and prevent us from progressing.

How many times do we see something that we know we shouldn't eat and eat it anyway? How many times do we spend money for things we don't need? How often do we choose to spend time on the computer or watching TV instead of being productive and overcoming the clutter in our homes? I can only truly speak for myself, but the answer is too often. 

So, how can we change that? I believe the answer lies in applying the concept of Tough Love to ourselves. 

I am working hard to improve my physical health. Part of doing this is resisting the urges to consume and especially binge on junk food. Another part is making exercise not only a regular part of my life but a priority. It means loving myself enough to be tough on myself and say "No" to the hamburger and fries and "Yes" to the fish and veggies. It means saying "No" to hitting the snooze button and "Yes" to dragging myself out of bed and to the gym. 

The Tough part is truly about sacrificing a little of something today for something better tomorrow. I know that celebrating each little success helps to make the next sacrifice that much easier to choose, and, eventually, a day comes when we look and are pleasantly surprised by a change that has occurred. I had one of those moments today.

I've been fairly good at getting to the gym and working out regularly - I made it a priority. For as long as I can remember, I've had "saddle bags" on the outside of my upper legs. This morning, I put on a skirt that is fitted through that area and was surprised by what I saw in the mirror. The bulges are gone. This surprise success has added motivation to my knowledge of what I need to do as I continue on my path to better health.

Tough Love works for our kids. It can work for us, too.