PAY IT FORWARD

I've been familiar with the basic concept of paying it forward for most of my life; though, I admit I felt limited in my own ability to do so. For some reason, I had gotten it into my head that to Pay It Forward required acts of financial generosity. Then, while considering something a friend said to me, I realized there are many ways to Pay It Forward that don't require money. I have come to recognize that every time I smile at someone or share a positive message or quote I am paying it forward. Every time I share peace and joy with another person, I am paying it forward. We all have the ability to Pay It Forward in some way. Discovering how I can Pay It Forward in my current circumstances has helped me feel that my life does have purpose. For this knowledge, I am grateful.

AVOIDANCE: THE HEART OF MY ADDICTION

A few months ago, a dear friend assisted me in recognizing that I have an addiction to food. In exploring this addiction and in learning about addiction in general, I have reached a conclusion. I believe that at the root of most, if not all addictions, is the desire to avoid something. Therefore, for me at least, the true addiction is avoidance. If I don't want to feel whatever I'm feeling, I will seek out something or someone to distract me so I can avoid feeling those things. If I don't want to do something, I will seek out something or someone to distract me so I can avoid doing those things. 

These are new realizations for me, and, unfortunately, some aspects of my life have become unmanageable because of my addiction to avoidance. I am grateful to have come to these realizations. Now I can begin to consciously make different choices. 

Is the desire to avoid some of these things still there? Big time. It will probably always be there. Do I want to continue down the path of destruction by giving into it? No, and I know, with God's help, I can develop healthier habits and overcome this part of my "natural man." 

"The Road Less Traveled"

Sometimes I wish I could turn off my heart. And, yet, I know how miserable life is not being able to feel. For most of my life I’ve been “accused” of being too sensitive. In a world where all too often deep emotions are unappreciated and seen as inappropriate, being one who feels deeply has not been easy. Mine has often been a lonely path much like the one described by Robert Frost.

The Road Not Taken

BY ROBERT FROST

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

A few years ago, I experienced the greatest shock of my life. In the process of adjusting to the changes brought about by this shock, I began to shut off myself from my emotions. I was so successful that, earlier this year, someone described me as the most “Zen” person they knew. I was a bit taken aback by that. Those who have known me my whole life would have thought I’d been possessed by aliens.

Recently, I began to not just let myself feel again, but to accept my emotions as they are. This includes accepting and finding joy in the fact that I can and do love many people, including some who will not or cannot love me back. Perhaps in time, they will learn to love as I am striving to do, but, if not, I am still blessed for loving them.

In many ways, my life has been “The Road Less Traveled” and it continues to be. I am becoming someone I can love and admire and therein lies a very great lesson and blessing. Like Robert Frost attests in his poem, “I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” 

Motivation, The Myth

We are taught from a young age that the "right" motivation will enable us to accomplish any goal. We teach this to our children by offering both positive and negative consequences and then are baffled when they make choices that lead to the opposite of what they wanted. Yet, we do the same thing ourselves.

How many times have you set a goal in a motivated moment only to find it nearly impossible to maintain the motivation long enough to achieve the goal? I know I'm guilty of this. I also see it in those around me every day.

What are we missing? What are we not teaching our children? Commitment. I propose that it is commitment and not motivation which enables us to achieve our goals. Think about it. When we are truly committed to something, it becomes a priority. When we make something a priority, we do all we can to arrange our lives around seeing that priority accomplished.

So, commit yourself to your goals; make your goals a priority. Then, you will see them come to fruition.

TOUGH LOVE

I just had a conversation with my daughter where I had to inform her that something she was excited about couldn't happen because of some poor choices she made less than 48 hours ago. She is disappointed and so am I. At the same time, I know that it is critical that she connect her actions today with the options available to her tomorrow. She is beginning to understand.

Most of us are familiar with the concept of Tough Love, particularly in parent/child relationships. The experience I just had with my daughter is one example of Tough Love. There are so many more examples. Tough Love is the father who turns in his son for criminal activity but remains beside him throughout the process. It's the mother who takes her son's car keys to encourage him to take more responsibility for his choices. It's the parents who work together to enforce negative consequences despite their own sadness and that of their child. Even our Heavenly Father uses Tough Love when He responds "No" to the righteous desire of His daughter to enable her to experience greater growth and joy in the future.

I, and many people I know personally, have become rather practiced in applying Tough Love in their relationships with their children. Though it never gets easy, we understand the importance of Tough Love and how not using Tough Love can lead to our children not being able to function effectively in the real world. Because we love them, we want them to be able to function well and succeed. 

But, can we apply this concept of Tough Love to ourselves? Can we do better at managing ourselves, our time, our talents and resources by using Tough Love on ourselves? I think we can.

Before we can exercise Tough Love with anyone, we must love that person. So, if we are going to practice Tough Love with ourselves, we must first Love ourselves. I know for many this can be challenging. 

When I think about loving myself, the first thing I feel is guilt. Where does this guilt come from? I believe it comes from the idea that loving oneself is akin to being conceited or even narcissistic. I propose, however, that in learning to love ourselves, truly love ourselves, our capacity and desire to love others increases. Focusing on this then, allows us to shed the guilt that is one of Satan's tools to bring us down and prevent us from progressing.

How many times do we see something that we know we shouldn't eat and eat it anyway? How many times do we spend money for things we don't need? How often do we choose to spend time on the computer or watching TV instead of being productive and overcoming the clutter in our homes? I can only truly speak for myself, but the answer is too often. 

So, how can we change that? I believe the answer lies in applying the concept of Tough Love to ourselves. 

I am working hard to improve my physical health. Part of doing this is resisting the urges to consume and especially binge on junk food. Another part is making exercise not only a regular part of my life but a priority. It means loving myself enough to be tough on myself and say "No" to the hamburger and fries and "Yes" to the fish and veggies. It means saying "No" to hitting the snooze button and "Yes" to dragging myself out of bed and to the gym. 

The Tough part is truly about sacrificing a little of something today for something better tomorrow. I know that celebrating each little success helps to make the next sacrifice that much easier to choose, and, eventually, a day comes when we look and are pleasantly surprised by a change that has occurred. I had one of those moments today.

I've been fairly good at getting to the gym and working out regularly - I made it a priority. For as long as I can remember, I've had "saddle bags" on the outside of my upper legs. This morning, I put on a skirt that is fitted through that area and was surprised by what I saw in the mirror. The bulges are gone. This surprise success has added motivation to my knowledge of what I need to do as I continue on my path to better health.

Tough Love works for our kids. It can work for us, too.

Tonight's Insight: Feelings

Sundays tend to be challenging days for me lately because I'm very often alone for most of the day. As someone with strong extrovert tendencies, this often leads to strong feelings of loneliness. Today was no different until this evening.

This evening, I made the decision (and succeeded in carrying it out) to go for a walk in the rain. Though it was barely raining when I walked and I didn't walk very far, the physical sensations of the wind and rain on my skin helped to assuage the emotional turmoil inside of me.  I'm thinking that perhaps when my body is lacking in physical sensation, my brain responds by triggering my heart to feel too much.

Thus begins my experiment. When I sense the emotions becoming overwhelming, I will seek out safe and appropriate physical stimulation to help me cope in a healthier way for myself and for those around me.

CHANGE - to be Feared or Friended

I'm in a situation right now that is somewhat unique to me. In the past, Change has often been thrust upon me by the choices of others. Right now, I am facing a Change that I have worked really hard to bring about. Yet, I found myself filled with the same fear and anxiety over this Change as I have previous Changes.

As I worked to replace my fear with faith, I pondered the cause of the fear. Sure, there were reasons/excuses for it. However, in all honesty, the fear stemmed simply from preconditioning. Recognizing this, I became determined to overcome that preconditioning.

I've heard it said that Change is one of the few things we can count on in this life. Perhaps because Death and Taxes are the other things spoken of as being unavoidable, our society in general seems to view Change as a negative thing.

I thought briefly of the Changes that have occurred, that were thrust upon me, in the last four years and, in truth, I am grateful for where those Changes have led me. With this in mind, I've decided that it's time for me to embrace Change as a friend.

Change has been a blessing in my life. Change has helped me become who I am today and I really do like myself. True Change is challenging. Change helps us to grow and to gain the experience required to become our best selves especially when we allow Christ to be our guide.